Healthy Play: Four Tips For Teaching Children To Play Constructively

I'm a big fan of unstructured play as a way to not only give kids a break but create an environment where they get exercise and a host of other benefits. Free play time allows children to be creative and explore their world, both on an emotional and social level. But unstructured play does not mean that guidance is never needed, and it's important for parents to stick around at all times to supervise and intervene when children aren't playing constructively together.

Here are some ways you can intervene from the outskirts during these free play sessions and help children get what they need out of it all.

1. Don't Leave Unexpectedly

One important rule to always remember is never disappearing on your child unexpectedly. I mention this because many parents have the habit of distracting their child with an activity they like to do so they can slip out the back door, leaving the child with someone they may not be completely comfortable with yet.

In the short-term, the tears will eventually subside and the child will busy themselves with something else, but this type of behavior on your part can eventually backfire. Disappearing on your child like this tells them that they cannot trust or depend on you, and for this reason, you will have more problems when it is time to go in the future.

It can also lead to more problems playing with other kids during play time as the child will always be edgy about the possibility of you taking off and may exhibit behavioral problems in an effort to hold your attention.

Instead, communicate with your child about leaving, even if it means walking out in the middle of a tantrum. The important thing is to show them you are not going to just slip out the back door when they are not looking.

2. Manage Aggression

It is also important to manage aggression during play time, and for some parents, it can be difficult to know when they are dealing with just rough play or something with the potential to become a problem. Generally, it is okay for children to be aggressive if both are enjoying it and having a laugh, such as young boys wrestling around. Of course, there is a time to stop even harmless rough play, but you get the point.

If the aggression is one-sided, it is important to step in and say something. Do not get angry at the child, but let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. You may have to implement a time-out, but it is important that punishments remain neutral.

3. Encourage Participation

Some children are shy in social situations, just as some adults are shy in social situations. Playtime is an important social experiment for our growing little people. That said, do not force them to take part in something they are hesitant about.

Most kids want to join in but must struggle with their fears first—encourage them to join, and let them gather their courage in a slower pace. Sometimes, you may feel obliged to step in and join with them and then excuse yourself after they follow your lead, and this can be a good strategy as long as you leave as much of the decision in their hands as possible. Giving them the responsibility to face their fears is the key to helping them overcome.

4. Prevent Toy-Hogging

Children often become possessive over a favorite toy or something that just has their attention in the moment, and this presents an opportunity to teach important lessons about the world. It can be counter-productive, though, to just snatch a toy away from a child and give it to a child who seems more deserving—and the same goes for taking it from both children completely.

Instead, tell the child they must take turns, allow them to finish their turn, and then give it to the other. You can also turn both of their attention away from the currently obsessed toy and on to something new, but it is typically better to stress the importance of sharing and taking turns.

Children will always have their episodes, and you will see behavioral problems in every play session. This is to be expected. They are growing up, and unstructured play is a time for them to get a sense of the world and how to interact with their peers. Just keep an eye out for these potential behavior issues and tackle them when they arise.


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