Great Expectations: Do You Take Your Children Too Seriously?

I am a great believer in pushing children to do more in life, to teaching them the skills for success at a young age so they are nearly automatic by the time they reach young adulthood. But having said that, there is a point where you can push your children too much and do more damage than good—some parents take their children much too seriously. Let's look at some of the ways parents do this and see if we can find a balance.

1. Punishment is Not Motivating

One thing parents often lose sight of is that punishment is a poor form of motivation. In order to properly teach our children some of the better character traits, it is sometimes necessary to force them to do things they don't want to do, but where parents make big mistakes is when they threaten punishment as a way to get children to try harder and do better.

This can create an unhealthy paradigm where children feel anxiety at the thought of doing something well and they only strive for things out of fear. A more positive drive towards the rewards of success can be more liberating and effective in the long run.

2. You Child Does Not Have to Be an Enigma

We all want our child to be successful in the endeavors they take on, but do not push your perfectionist parenting on them. Do not demand they be the star in every arena.

It important to keep your child involved in positive past-times, like music, art, and sports, but the enjoyment of these things is often just as important if not more so than being the absolute best at them. It sounds cliché, but as long as they are doing their personal best, this is what matters.

3. Don't Invest Ego in Your Child

A lot of these parenting mistakes happen because we want the best for our kids, and in that sense our intentions are good. There is a darker side, however, where some parents are not pushing for excellence for their child's sake but more for their own. These people were often ultra-perfectionists in their own youth, and now, their latest drive as an over-achiever is to be the very best parent.

Strive to be a great parent, sure, but do not force your child to uphold your own ego.

4. Give Them Time to Be Kids

As I mentioned before, it is very important to expect a little more from your children and take an active role in their personal growth, but they also need time to just be kids. In fact, what often looks like haphazard play and goofing off is teaching your child a lot about the world and helping them to develop physical motor skills. For this reason, wacky creative games and running about are just as important as anything else.

Cut them loose from time to time and allow them unstructured play.

Do take your kids seriously to an extent. After all, if you do not take their growth and development seriously, why would they? But observe some of these basic tips to make sure you aren't crossing the line from dedicated parent to anal authoritarian, and your household will be a much more harmonic place for everyone.


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